Love, Lies, Scandals 6

 PART VI

Nakatulog na lang ako sa pagiisip. Nagising ako ng around 4:30pm to browse my phone and see if my text o missed call from Yheng, pero wala. I even checked my Facebook and YM. I was expecting if may PM siya sa akin. But I continued frowning, knowing that I received nothing – as in NO UPDATE.

“Hayy shett, why are you doing this…” sabi ko na lang sa pagkayamot at huminga ng malalim. Binaba ko yung phone ko sa bed side table. Umupo ako mula sa pagkakahiga at nag isip isip kung anong gagawin. I looked down. My forehead propped in my right hand. I was thinking if I should call her or text her again, kulitin siya, suyuin, magsorry, or aminin ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Huminga ulit ako ng malalim. Sumasakit ang ulo ko kakaisip.

Where should I start…?

And I thought…

I should start…

In taking a shower.

Hindi pa pala ako naliligo. Dali dali akong tumayo at dumiretso ng bathroom. I closed the door and went to the shower area. Habang hinuhubad ko ang aking mga damit ay biglang pumasok sa isip ko yung mga sticky notes kanina na nakadikit kung saan saan. Those were telling me to come inside the shower room with Yheng. Then naisip ko rin yung mga effort niya na hindi ko masyadong pinahalagahan. Naitanong ko tuloy, “Am I stupid?” or “Ang sama ko lang talaga?”

I leaned on the wall and opened the shower faucet. Ang sarap ng tubig habang dumadampi sa likuran ko.

****

I finished taking a shower after a couple of minutes. It made me feel good somehow or should I say, it refreshed my senses. The guilt and the agony were still there though. Then I made a plan. I dressed up. Nag ayos ako ng kwarto. Nagpalit ako ng bed cover and pillowcase. Tinabi at inayos ko yung mga nakakalat na gamit sa kwarto. Tinabi ko na rin yung dildo na hindi pa naitabi mula sa pagkakagamit last night. I washed the dishes and swept the floor.

I was still hoping na itext ako ni Yheng. Expecting for a message kung malalate ba siya ng uwi or hindi siya uuwi. It was already 7:00pm when I finished cleaning the house pero wala pa rin siya. Naisip ko sanang pumunta ng mall para bumili ng mailuluto for dinner but I thought na baka mas gabihin ako, gusto ko na andito ako sa bahay pag uwi ni Yheng. I just went online and decide na umorder na lang ng food. My plan was to be sweet by cooking dinner for us but I’d changed my mind.

I picked my phone. “What tym ka uwi? Dito ka na magdinner,”text ko kay Yheng. But again, I didn’t receive any reply. I proceed with placing an order in one of the best restaurants nearby. Then I called this flower shop I saw online and purchased a bouquet of white roses. I definitely don’t have an idea if she would like the color, but I chose to give her white roses ‘coz it represents intellectual beauty which Yheng definitely has. So I sure hope she would like it.

8:30pm

Roses-checked

Food-checked

Setting of the room-checked

Si Yheng na lang ang kulang. I was still hoping na uuwi siya that night. Nagbihis na rin ako at nag ayos to look good and charming. I was about to call her ng marinig kong bumukas yung pinto.

Napalingon ako to check if that’s Yheng. Binulsa ko yung phone ko then walked towards the door. Si Yheng na nga yung papasok ng room. She was holding lots of paper bags in her hand. Galing siya ng mall, I thought. I took a step outside to help her with her things.

“Nagshopping ka?” I asked habang sabay kaming papasok ng kwarto.

“Yes.” And that’s a plain yes. Mukhang nagtatampo pa rin siya sa akin.

Idederetso namin yung mga pinamili niya sa bedroom. And habang papalapit kami sa area ay kumakabog na ang dibdib ko.

“Naglinis ka?” she suddenly asked.

“Yes,” I said. “Walang magawa kanina eh”.

Paliko na kami sa bedroom when I felt awkward. I felt corny. Nahiya ako sa sarili ko. That was my first time since birth na nagawa kong bumili ng flowers then set an area for somehow a romantic dinner.

Naglagay ako ng maliit na table sa floor, sa harap ng higaan namin and put some pillows around. There were candles as well na hindi ko pa nasindihan kasi bigla siyang dumating. Nasa table yung inorder kong grilled pork then salad. There as well were slices of cake and a bottle of wine. And the flowers, I hide it first.

“And this is??” she asked habang pinapatong ang mga paper bags sa bedside table. Her face was still plain.

“Dinner?” sinagot ko siya ng tanong at binaba na rin yung bitbit kong paper bags.

“Dinner??”

“Yes,” I paused. “I’m sorry,” I told her, finally. Lumapit ako sa kanya. I grabbed her hand and look at her eyes.

“I….I know…I’ve hurt you.”

“It’s okay Kath. I understand. You don’t have to do this just to say sorry.”

Maiiyak na ako. She’s still calling me by my name. And it simply means, she’s still mad.

“Haeist…No…Yheng, this is not just to say sorry. This is to…” I paused and look at the things that I prepared.

“To?”

Binitawan ko yung kamay niya then went to the closet to get the bouquet of roses na tinago ko.

“Here.” I said at inabot sa kanya yung flowers. Nanginginig nginig pa ako. Kinuha niya iyon and pangiti ngiti.

“Bakit sa closet mo tinago?” she asked at pilit pinipigilan yung pagtawa.

“Huh? Why not?” Ngumiti na lang din ako.

“Nothing. Hmm…Thanks.” This time ngumiti na siya. Yung Masaya at sweet na ngiti. Hindi na din tuloy ako natuloy sa pag iyak.

Binaba niya yung flowers sa bed and held my hand.

“Ano pa sasabihin mo?” she asked me still having that smile on her face.

“I…ah…I’m sorry…and ah…I want you.” I said pero hindi na ako makatingin sa mata niya.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Well, you must.”

“And why?”

“Because I do.”

“I think you just want my lips.” she said as I was looking at her lips instead of her eyes.

“Hmm…”napangiti ako. “Of course I do.”

“Whhyy? Hmmp…” and she squeezed my hands.

“’Coz I missed your lips…” and I was slowly moving closer to her.

“And why did you miss my lips?”

“Kasi…masarap…”

“Kasi masarap…hmmm” she squeezed my hands again.

“Masarap.” And our nose touched. We’re both smiling at nanggigigil sa isa’t isa.

She bit her lip.

“I’m gonna bite that.” I said.

“Bite it if you can.” Then bigla siyang kumawala sa akin and nagtatakbong pinuntahan yung pagkain na hinanda ko.

Natutuwa ako. Coz we’re getting okay. Sinundan ko siya. She sat sa isang side ng table pero sa tabi niya naman ako naupo.

“At bakit dito ka naupo?” taas kilay niyang tanong.

“Coz I’m gonna bite your lips honey.”

“Honey your face.”

“Honey your face? Ayaw mo tawagin kitang honey?” I asked and dahan dahan kong pinulupot yung kamay ko sa bewang niya. “I miss you…” bulong ko and stayed near her neck. “I’m sorry honey,” pagpapatuloy ko. “I really want you...” I whispered.

Yheng was looking at me habang naghihintay ng susunod kong sasabihin. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko na nakayapos sa kanyang bewang.

“Why?” she asked. “Bakit mo naman nasabing gusto mo ako?”

Huminga ako ng malalim. Tinignan ko siya sa mga mata, sa mga labi. Hinawi ko ang buhok na tumatabing sa maganda niyang mukha. Saka ako sumagot…

“Kasi hindi ka maalis sa isip ko. I thought na…kung hindi mo ako pansinin okay lang. But what you did today made me realize na…may parte ng puso ko ang…nabihag mo…”

Napahinto ako ng napatawa bigla si Yheng.

“Ang lalim…”

“Nah…”I said then sinundot ko siya sa tagiliran. KInurot naman niya yung kamay ko. Kumawala ako at nagpatuloy…

“It’s true Yheng.”

“Call me honey!” singit niya.

Napangiti ako, then I thought, “ okay honey”.

“Hon, I have realized the things that I should let go and the things that I should not…actually the person that I should not…the beautiful princess, the most beautiful of them all.” I said and put a big smile on my face. Feeling ko ang korni ko na pero nagpatuloy ako kasi totoo lahat ng sinasabi ko I just don’t know if I was saying that in a tone na nakakakilig.

Yheng…honey…I’m sorry. You’re part of my life now.” Now, I sounded serious.

“Therefore…” she said.

“…therefore…I think…” I paused again. I cleared my throat before I would say the words. I waited for a couple of seconds to pass. One…two…three…

I sighed and I said, “I love you….I love you my Yheng…honey…my princess.”

Finally, nasabi ko na.

I was waiting for a response while I was looking at her lips na kanina ko pa pinanggigilan. She was biting her lips habang nakasmile and squeezing my hand again. I became silent and waiting for a word. Sobra na ang pagkabog ng puso ko sa dibdib ko. I was hoping she would also say that she loves me. Pero isang minuto na yata ang lumipas pero wala pa rin akong naririnig mula sa kanya. Ang naririnig ko lang ay ang mainit niyang paghinga dahil sa magkalapit na ang mukha naming dalawa.

Hanggang sa hindi na ako makatiis at sinakmal ko na siya ng halik. I held her cheek and pulled her closer. Huminga ako ng malalim at ninamnam ang kanyang labi. Gumanti siya sa halik ko. Ang init ng kanyang katawan, ng kanyang halik. Napapaso ang kamay ko sa kanyang likuran na unti unti pumapasok sa loob ng kanyang damit.

Pumasok ang kanyang dila sa bibig ko at nagespadahan kami. I sucked her tongue. I licked her mouth.

“I miss you,” I said gasping.

“I love you…” she whispered on my mouth and bit my lips.

Abot tenga ang ngiti ko. Narinig ko na ang pinakaaasam kong marinig. HInalikan ko siyang muli, yung mas masarap, yung mas feel na feel naming dalawa. And we’re slowly getting ourselves naked.