PART VI
Nakatulog na lang ako sa pagiisip. Nagising
ako ng around 4:30pm to browse my phone and see if my text o missed call from
Yheng, pero wala. I even checked my Facebook and YM. I was expecting if may PM
siya sa akin. But I continued frowning, knowing that I received nothing – as in
NO UPDATE.
“Hayy shett, why are you doing this…” sabi ko
na lang sa pagkayamot at huminga ng malalim. Binaba ko yung phone ko sa bed
side table. Umupo ako mula sa pagkakahiga at nag isip isip kung anong gagawin.
I looked down. My forehead propped in my right hand. I was thinking if I should
call her or text her again, kulitin siya, suyuin, magsorry, or aminin ang
nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Huminga ulit ako ng malalim. Sumasakit ang ulo ko
kakaisip.
Where should I start…?
And I thought…
I should start…
In taking a shower.
Hindi pa pala ako naliligo. Dali dali akong
tumayo at dumiretso ng bathroom. I closed the door and went to the shower area.
Habang hinuhubad ko ang aking mga damit ay biglang pumasok sa isip ko yung mga
sticky notes kanina na nakadikit kung saan saan. Those were telling me to come
inside the shower room with Yheng. Then naisip ko rin yung mga effort niya na
hindi ko masyadong pinahalagahan. Naitanong ko tuloy, “Am I stupid?” or “Ang
sama ko lang talaga?”
I leaned on the wall and opened the shower
faucet. Ang sarap ng tubig habang dumadampi sa likuran ko.
****
I finished taking a shower after a couple of
minutes. It made me feel good somehow or should I say, it refreshed my senses.
The guilt and the agony were still there though. Then I made a plan. I dressed
up. Nag ayos ako ng kwarto. Nagpalit ako ng bed cover and pillowcase. Tinabi at
inayos ko yung mga nakakalat na gamit sa kwarto. Tinabi ko na rin yung dildo na
hindi pa naitabi mula sa pagkakagamit last night. I washed the dishes and swept
the floor.
I was still hoping na itext ako ni Yheng.
Expecting for a message kung malalate ba siya ng uwi or hindi siya uuwi. It was
already 7:00pm when I finished cleaning the house pero wala pa rin siya. Naisip
ko sanang pumunta ng mall para bumili ng mailuluto for dinner but I thought na
baka mas gabihin ako, gusto ko na andito ako sa bahay pag uwi ni Yheng. I just went
online and decide na umorder na lang ng food. My plan was to be sweet by
cooking dinner for us but I’d changed my mind.
I picked my phone. “What tym ka uwi? Dito ka
na magdinner,”text ko kay Yheng. But again, I didn’t receive any reply. I
proceed with placing an order in one of the best restaurants nearby. Then I called
this flower shop I saw online and purchased a bouquet of white roses. I
definitely don’t have an idea if she would like the color, but I chose to give
her white roses ‘coz it represents intellectual beauty which Yheng definitely
has. So I sure hope she would like it.
8:30pm
Roses-checked
Food-checked
Setting
of the room-checked
Si
Yheng na lang ang kulang. I was still hoping na uuwi siya that night. Nagbihis
na rin ako at nag ayos to look good and charming. I was about to call her ng marinig
kong bumukas yung pinto.
Napalingon
ako to check if that’s Yheng. Binulsa ko yung phone ko then walked towards the
door. Si Yheng na nga yung papasok ng room. She was holding lots of paper bags
in her hand. Galing siya ng mall, I thought. I took a step outside to help her with
her things.
“Nagshopping
ka?” I asked habang sabay kaming papasok ng kwarto.
“Yes.”
And that’s a plain yes. Mukhang nagtatampo pa rin siya sa akin.
Idederetso
namin yung mga pinamili niya sa bedroom. And habang papalapit kami sa area ay
kumakabog na ang dibdib ko.
“Naglinis
ka?” she suddenly asked.
“Yes,”
I said. “Walang magawa kanina eh”.
Paliko
na kami sa bedroom when I felt awkward. I felt corny. Nahiya ako sa sarili ko. That
was my first time since birth na nagawa kong bumili ng flowers then set an area
for somehow a romantic dinner.
Naglagay
ako ng maliit na table sa floor, sa harap ng higaan namin and put some pillows
around. There were candles as well na hindi ko pa nasindihan kasi bigla siyang
dumating. Nasa table yung inorder kong grilled pork then salad. There as well
were slices of cake and a bottle of wine. And the flowers, I hide it first.
“And
this is??” she asked habang pinapatong ang mga paper bags sa bedside table. Her
face was still plain.
“Dinner?”
sinagot ko siya ng tanong at binaba na rin yung bitbit kong paper bags.
“Dinner??”
“Yes,”
I paused. “I’m sorry,” I told her, finally. Lumapit ako sa kanya. I grabbed her
hand and look at her eyes.
“I….I
know…I’ve hurt you.”
“It’s
okay Kath. I understand. You don’t have to do this just to say sorry.”
Maiiyak
na ako. She’s still calling me by my name. And it simply means, she’s still
mad.
“Haeist…No…Yheng,
this is not just to say sorry. This is to…” I paused and look at the things
that I prepared.
“To?”
Binitawan
ko yung kamay niya then went to the closet to get the bouquet of roses na
tinago ko.
“Here.”
I said at inabot sa kanya yung flowers. Nanginginig nginig pa ako. Kinuha niya
iyon and pangiti ngiti.
“Bakit
sa closet mo tinago?” she asked at pilit pinipigilan yung pagtawa.
“Huh?
Why not?” Ngumiti na lang din ako.
“Nothing.
Hmm…Thanks.” This time ngumiti na siya. Yung Masaya at sweet na ngiti. Hindi na
din tuloy ako natuloy sa pag iyak.
Binaba
niya yung flowers sa bed and held my hand.
“Ano
pa sasabihin mo?” she asked me still having that smile on her face.
“I…ah…I’m
sorry…and ah…I want you.” I said pero hindi na ako makatingin sa mata niya.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“I
don’t believe you.”
“Well,
you must.”
“And
why?”
“Because
I do.”
“I
think you just want my lips.” she said as I was looking at her lips instead of
her eyes.
“Hmm…”napangiti
ako. “Of course I do.”
“Whhyy?
Hmmp…” and she squeezed my hands.
“’Coz
I missed your lips…” and I was slowly moving closer to her.
“And
why did you miss my lips?”
“Kasi…masarap…”
“Kasi
masarap…hmmm” she squeezed my hands again.
“Masarap.”
And our nose touched. We’re both smiling at nanggigigil sa isa’t isa.
